The Rumor Bong

... we join this transcript of the 9-12-2006 episode of The Cross-Country Super Knucklehead Political Pundit Funtime Show, Starring Dez Desmond and Stronger Than Dirt Pete Moss, already in progrefs:

STDPM: ... but then there is nothing particularly radical about any of those prognostications.

DEZ: Okay, then, here is a radical prognostication: I say that, when you total up the votes for all Democratic House candidates and all Republican House candidates, it'll turn out that more votes were cast nationally for Democrats than Republicans, but thanks to the magic of gerrymandering and low level vote fraud, the Repubs keep control of the House.

Or Bin Laden is killed on October 4. Mark your calendar. (That's a 10-4, dead buddy).

STDPM: If Bin Laden is killed on 10/4, the Republicans get at least 60% of the popular vote, easy. Whether he is or not, I'm still predicting that the GOP will be GAINING seats in both chambres (that's pronounced "Schaumburg," Frenchy!), as well as somehow managing to pick up three Supreme Court seats (possible scenario: Stevens and Ginsburg trip over Kennedy's new heart stent and they all die in a fiery explosion). PLUUUSSSSS, if that's not pessimistic enough for you, a fourth branch of government will be formed (the "Exelaturiary") to replace the media (the "Fourth Estate"), and it will consist entirely of a papier mache (pronouced: "Downers Grove") bust of William Randolph Hearst made out of back issues of the Wall Street Journal editorial page from Q4 2001.