Saturday, April 08, 2006

Studs "Woo Woo" Terkel Debuts at Wrigley


Venerated Chicago institution Studs Terkel has wrested the title of Number One Cubs Fan from not-so-venerated Chicago institution Ronnie "Woo Woo" Wickers. Terkel will be attending all home games this season, as well as making a smattering of Cubs appearances in Milwaukee, St. Louis, and Cincinnati, and bringing his trademark "Woo! Woo!" cheer to each contest.

"Woo! Working people! Woo! Oral history!* Woo! Red and white checked shirt! Woo! Red socks! No, wait! White Sox! No! No! No! Cubs! Woo! Yeah, Cubs! Woo! Cubs! Woo! Bugger off! Woo! Bugger off! Woo!"

He will also be seen posing for photographs and making a general nuisance of himself at every North Side bar and restaurant, sometimes several at a time like some horrific embodiment of Bugs Bunny. Just like the original Woo Woo.

In addition, Terkel will be appearing in the WGN booth during 7th inning stretch, playing a tape recording of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" being sung by a spot welder, a manicurist, a bartender, and a Wobbly.

Meanwhile ... Ronnie Wickers is having a rough time finding a new home. He was last seen on 31st Street, fleeing from an unwelcoming crowd of Sox fans.

"Woo! White Sox! Woo! White Sox! Woo! South Side! Woo! South Side! Woo! Bridgeport! Woo! Irish people! Woo! Chasing me! Woo! Throwing bottles at my head! Woo!"

*(By the way, did you know that a recent poll found that 3 out of 4 high school students do not consider oral history to be history? Alarming reports of groups of teenaged girls inviting boys to come over and talk into a tape recorder are widely circulated in contemporary suburbia. Meanwhile, young women conducting field research of public records archives, newspaper libraries, and other documentary sources are branded "sluts.")

2 comments:

Stronger Than Dirt Pete Moss said...

Gah, I am teh sux0r at Photoshop. Wait, what am I saying? That's a real photo!

Ansel Adams said...

I dunno. Ya did a good job on the Ajax bottle!