Thursday, April 20, 2006

Boo-Boos on First


Although the CBRAT blog skews White Soxward in its focus, I'm generally nonpartisan when it comes to Chicago baseball. Which is Not Allowed, I know.

Setting that whole controversy aside for the moment, something happened to superstar first baseman Derrek Lee in the Cubs game last night that was a real drag:

The defending National League batting champ was injured late Wednesday in a freakish collision at first base with a Dodge.

Lee has a fracture of the distal radial and the distal ulna bone in his hand. He will wear an immobilizing cast that will go past his elbow. Team officials won't speculate on how long Lee will be sidelined, but he could be out two to three months.

The Dodge was apparently unhurt and fled the scene.

Unconfirmed police reports state between the lines that the Dodge was being driven by Super Karaoke Fun Time Band axman Keith Hartel's guitar, which went missing at a recent gig in New Jersey.

Cell phone records and VISA receipts suggest that in the past week the strung out guitar has embarked on a crazed breakneck cross-country satan spree, bingeing on strip clubs, roadside taco joints, and Budweiser warehouses.

Since injuring the Cubs batterer in Chavez Ravine, the guitar was next sighted by eyewitnesses at a donkey show in Tijuana.

Cubs General Manager Jim Hendry would appreciate any and all reports of current whereabouts of the renegade Telecaster. Not to mention Keith.

In the meantime, filling in at the uhh corner that is on the opposite side of the field to the hot corner will be good old number 93 going on 94, Studs Terkel.

3 comments:

the tele said...

I'll be on Oprah next week!

Stronger Than Dirt Pete Moss said...

A million little riffs.

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