Saturday, May 19, 2007

Today in Gravity City Today:
Crane Attractions, Crane Reactions

Chicago's enhanced gravitational field continues to work its eeeevil:

A crane accident at a downtown construction site today led to the evacuation of several buildings and forced the Chicago Transit Authority to reroute trains and buses.

The incident happened when a section of the street under the yellow crane collapsed, causing the massive piece of equipment to lean against the side of a nearby building.

Not only that, but the crane is anthropomorphic, to boot:

Authorities evacuated buildings near the scene as a precaution because it was unclear how the crane would react when workers try to upright it, officials said.

I'm guessing first it will feel surprised, then confused, then scared, then flattered, and maybe even a little bit intrigued, but will politely decline. Wait ... that's how it would react if another crane of its same gender approached it at a singles bar with an amorous advance.

"Hey, what's my motivation here? I mean, what makes this crane tick?"

And that is how the crane would consider its reaction if the crane were played by Mr. James Woods.

More jokes to be added later, if I can think of any more Simpsons jokes to steal.

BASEBALL POSTSCRIPT: Too disgusted to add further Cubs-Sox commentary at the moment. Boone Logan disgusts me. With a disgust that disgusts. I say put the yellow crane in tomorrow in relief of Massengill, or whoever is pitching for the Sox. Some rookie douche. Maybe the yellow crane can react to the presence of Derrek Lee as a pinch hitter in some other way than lobbing a cookie for a grand salami.

1 comment:

Desmondola said...

If you've seen SPider-Man 3, and, like the rest of the Supernerd contingent, I have, there's a scene where Spiderman battles a crane gone horribly awry, which makes me think that the events you describe are naught but a copycat crime.