Thursday, May 17, 2007

Gratification from the Land of SiteMeter Stats

Just when I was losing hope that I could retain interest in maintaining this narcissistic and futile blog, I see in the SiteMeter stats a hit that informs me that I have made the top Google results page for the search terms:

bucket of water to kill a gopher

... which brings one to this blogapaganza from a time when I was still trying to actually write:

Although it does rouse a slight disquiet, in re: ... is somebody really trying to research how to kill a gopher with a bucket of water? Animal cruelty concerns aside (albeit duly registered), what kind of techniques could be researchable to that end?

"Step 1. Place bucket of water in freezer. Step 2. Wait until water is frozen solid. Step 3. Bop gopher on the noggin. Step 4. Get your gopher pelt guy on the cell. Step 5. Reap profits."?

Look, pally. Leave the humble gopher alone. Carl Spackler learned it, I learned it, you're gonna learn it, too -- the hard way. The gopher is all right. Nobody worry bout he. Why you gotta give him a fight? Can't you just let him be?

Do what you like, doing it nat'rally. But if it's too easy, they're gonna disagree (they're gonna disagree). It's your life. And isn't it a mystery? If it's nobody's bus'ness ... It's everybody's game.

Gotta catch you later ... No, no, cannonball it right away ... Some Cinderella kid ...... Get it up and get you a job--

Dip dip dip dip dip dip dip dip.

In short, we all hate meeces to pieces, and the gophers, they can really wreck them some turfgrass, but please, please, let's think of the wider ramifications. Diplomacy is the answer. And if diplomacy don't work, try some bentgrass mixed with Kentucky blue and a touch of Southern California sinsemilla. It's a bit harsh, but it's got a hell of a kick.

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