Saturday, February 24, 2007

Today in TV Show Review Blogging Today

Man vs. Wild, Discovery Network

In short, it's Jackass, crazy limey special forces style:

"Here Aye yam, alone [except for the camera crew], on a glass-eeyer in Alasker, and Aye'm going to die if I cahn't find food and shelter soon ... Uh oh, here comes a polar bear ... I had better pee on me own head ... it's an old British commando technique ... cor, yeah, that's a right solid stream, eh? ...

"In 1922, a hiker in these parts named Brad Fidgepoddilaparbadoobadoo peed on his own head and froze to death in a solid block of yellow ice. So Aye've got to keep moving.

"Ay've surveyed me position, and eaten some raw disgusting animals alive, and peed on me head again, and given the wally a right shake for good measure, so I will survive the night in me improvised shelter made of me own eyelashes and blocks of frozen pee chiseled off me forehead with me own feces, honed razor sharp by repeatedly scraping against me own frozen sphincter.

"Tomorrow, I must find civilization, or die. One thing I know from my training is to follow the KFC signs, which from my vantage on top of this vedddy dangerous but picturesque iceberg -- and which I am totally alone upon despite the fact that I am now being photographed from 300 feet in the air by a circling helicopter full of paramedics and tea -- are only a day's hike away. For two fings invariably go togevver, civilization, and KFC. And now a word from our sponsor ..."

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