Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Too Cold To Blog

Sorry, but the heating is just inadequate in this joint, and it's very drafty in the computer vicinity. This weather is driving me the rest of the short distance to crazy. Got a batch of cheesy scalloped potatoes in the oven now (be careful with the scalloped potatoes -- they call them scalloped, but they're really potatoes) and after I eat them, I'm hunkering under a big blanket and camping out in front of the warm glow of the television for the "Naked Trucker and T-Bones" show. Until May.


Mr. Insert Namehere said...

I'm eating scalloped potatoes right now, at work. In an overly jaunty fashion for men who are working 65 hours a week or more, the dopey guy in front of me in the chow line said to the server "scalloped potatoes! Got any scallops in there?"

John Q Sixpack sure likes life.

Hey, world class city, with your temps. Godawful. Next time you are in the suburbs, you could go to a Home Despot and get some of that clear plastic sheets that you can put over windows. They work really well and actually dont look bad. You just peel them off in the "spring."

Or get yourself a husky bbw to keep you warm. It works for me, times two!

Stronger Than Dirt Pete Moss said...

Hey, I made the scallop-less scalloped potatoes myself, man, from scratch. That's the way us Inuits roll, mookalookalooka. I dunno about attracting any husky bbws when them kinda skills, but I'm expecting a few crazy astronettes to be driving up from Houston pretty soon -- and I hope they wore a double layer of Depends, because it's colder outside than Christa McAuliffe's teat wasn't when the Challenger blew up.

Ouch. Too soon?

Bad weather breeds bad taste. So, from the schlock crapital of teh world, Chicago, Illinois, United States, North America, Western Hemisphere, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Globular Cluster, Nougat Nebula, Known Universe, Mind of God, Andersonville "SoFo" -- I remain ... Colder Than Dirt Pete Frost.

Mr. Insert Namehere said...

Hey dont knock a diapered astronaut until you've tried one, Judge Whoppner.

I've still got scars on my boner that were well worth the pain and a bottle of amphetamines.

Stronger Than Dirt Pete Moss said...

Who's knocking em, Gus Grissom? That's about all I've got my precariously extra-vehicular hopes tethered to anymore, while I'm outside the space ship of life trying to fix some kind of Canadian robot arm, eh, with the thing ... the space wrench thing. And the tortured metaphors and jokes.

I'm lookin' at you, Sally Ride. (Call me.)

Jayson said...

I do not miss the weather. But I do miss Simons, and peeing on suvs, and you, SDPM...

Mr. Insert Namehere said...

Oh yeah! One thing I don't miss about Chagallgall is the frozen human piss season. Why people tolerate a lack of bathrooms, at some dump where you pay 6 bucks for a plastic cup full of bulk liquor, no less, is beyond me.

I've drunk in a lot of major cities but never seen so much pissing outdoors, which is especially nice because it stays there, right on the sidewalk, from December to late March. Delightful human urine! I heard you can get drunk on it if you chip it off and thaw it! Or maybe turn it into a slushy. Who could ask for more?

I gave up asking why WHY WHYYYY and moved to where I loves the beers the way I loves my women... big, cheap and yeasty.

Dont get me wrong, I too enjoy steamy outdoor urination.

Stronger Than Dirt Pete Moss said...

Who are you people, and why aren't you researching "what happened to Wendy Snyder of the Steve Dahl show on WCKG" like everyone else who comes to this blog???

Jay, my man, Andersonville is just not the same these days. So many peoples have left, and the yuppies are inexhaustible in supply. I would make a "finger in the dyke" joke but it would be too damn obvious for this naberhood.

I would like to buy everyone who says "Simon's is a dive bar" a one-way ticket to Schaumburg.

And how many damned pictures do people have that need framing? And how many shitty "urban" housewares store does Clark Street have to have before the demand for ugly overpriced garbage is quenched?

While I'm at it, fuck you, "Check Please," for making it impossible to go to the Hopleaf anymore after you featured it on your trite and idiotic WTTW TV show.

I've been here for 9 years, so I'm better than all you people! I'm the genuine lunkhead, not some curiosity! I am not an animal, I am an Andersonvillain!