Friday, June 09, 2006

Heineken? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon is what you'll drink tonight!

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy.

Crain's Shuhcawgo Bezzness reports that "Pabst Brewing to move HQ to Chicago area," thanks, the magazine says, to nearly $1 million in bribes incentives (tax credits) from Gov. Rod "Not the Face! Not the Face!" Blagojevich.

When told of the deal, Mayor Daley was quoted as exclaiming, "That's just swilly! Swilly, swilly, swilly, swilly! I mean, it's swill! No one can tell me that that isn't swilly! It's the epitome of swilliness! How swilly can you get? It's swilly, I tell ya. Swilll-lee! Ho ho ho! Suh-will!"

Curly Howard, Jackie Gleason, Rodney Dangerfield, and Phil Silvers then came back to life and crawled out of their graves for the sole, express purpose of filing suit against Daley for stealing all of their personalities, and wrecking them.

4 comments:

Destastic said...

PAbst Blue Ribbon is one many substances fueling tonight's descent into madness as I try to craft another audio tape/disc/other media.

Sappy Tombs said...

Two hours later, and 40 minutes of tape consumed, my "creative" urge is spent. I did all the bits that required no prodcution values... eventually, I'll have to do the hard bits, or turn it in as is. Oh the dilemmas of a very lazy man.

Captain Freedom said...

PBR was once the preferred downer of every free American worth his weight in piss. Then they went Urban Outfitters and MTV on us. Became a cool beer, according to their marketers. PBR started to suck long before Daley swillied it. What do the bums, slackers, radicals, artists, service workers drink these days--Lowenbrau?
I'd rather drink a pint of my own piss than a pint of PBR these days...unless you're challenging me for a Lowenbrau.
Stay Free.
CF

Stronger Than Dirt Pete Moss said...

I dunno about anyone else, but I'll speak for the slackers. We drink whatever somebody brings over.

And by way of a little gloss for out of towners, the "swilly" riff is a reference to this news item in the Trib from about two weeks ago:

<< Mayor Richard Daley seemed intent on personally opening up the summer "silly season" of frivolous news stories Wednesday.

Court testimony this week that Chicago Skyway tollbooths were fully staffed to help ensure an unimpeded ride to his Michigan summer home was, well, "silly," the mayor said.

Then he said it again. About 20 times.

"Silliest thing I ever heard in my life," the mayor declared. "It really is silly.... It's silly, silly, silly, silly."

When asked whether he was referring to the allegation or to a fact that underlings would seek to smooth the way for him, Daley provided more of the same.

"It is silly," he said. "It is just silly. Silliness. That is all it is ... completely silly, completely silly."

Asked the same question by another reporter, this one bereft of cranial hair, Daley declared, "It's silly, Baldheaded. He's baldheaded. Is that silly? No. Come on. I mean it's the silliest thing I ever heard. Next question." >>

Next question? What's Daley drinking? I'll have two of those.