I used to like Christmas a lot. I was into the lights, the decorations, all of it. Even the music. But then I got somewhat soured on the whole holiday that one time, when during the first act of the annual ritual viewing of my favorite TV special of all time (and perhaps my favorite thing in any category entirely), the Charlie Brown Christmas Special, my wife kinda dumped me. If turning toward me while sitting on her end of the couch and announcing that she wanted a divorce could be construed as "dumping."
But, shit, that was 10 fucking years ago. (That's 1996, for you math-impaired people out there.) I'm pretty sick and tired of being grouchy and stuff at Christmas.
When I got rendered single and moved to Chicago in 1997, I complained to my friend John R. that I was having a hard time "getting over it." He said to me, "Shit, STDPM, it's going to take you 10 years to get over that." Now John is gone, before the 10 years is even up.
Wow, that's kind of a bummer turn this post has taken. But my point remains. Ten years of being the Charlie Browniest guy I know has been more than enough. So that's my modest goal for this December -- to stop hating Christmas.
Hah! Good luck to me.
Anyway, I'm off to a pretty good start, breaking out the Vince Guaraldi "A Charlie Brown Christmas" record and thinking about how all the dust in my pigpen of an apartment might have been dirt that was once trod upon by Nebuchadnezzar. Sort of makes you want to treat me with a little more respect, doesn't it?
Now you say, "You're an absolute mess!"
Then I say, "On the contrary, I didn't think I looked that good!"
And that's what Christmas is all about.
This post has been brought to you by Dolly Madison. Bartender! Cupcakes and Zingers, all around!
Hey Ya, Charlie Brown!
4 comments:
Whelp good on yooze, indeed. I hope that you have an enjoyable xmas. I was saddened years ago that your former wife took a shit on you during that and caused such a bad feeling about the season, which I too used to love.
Having said that, I could think of some better things to stop hating, such as your own dang self, pete moss, but christ, who am I kidding? I am the one with the website motto "how can you hate anyone else if you dont hate yourself first?"
Still, I have never publicly stated if I mean that in a positive way or a negative way... ie, the best way to avoid hating other people is to avoid hating yourself, as opposed to hate yourself first and the rest will come easy. Hah! Beh. Find me somebody who will put money on my being positive about that, and I'll go down on yih.
Yeah, that was a drag, although I find that I have had a lot of perverse sort of masochistic enjoyment in telling the various unfortunate stories about it. But then, at least no Chinese people at work talk shit about me in Chinese, hah! So who's the winner, huh? Stonger Than Dirt Pete Moss, some hotshot!
As for self-hatred, let's try baby steps first, doctor. Hatred of oneself is a reliable source of comfort -- although it is irritating to other people, so I try not to display it so much in public lately. Plus, there are so many other people to hate in this town.
Also, I kind of exaggerated and conflated the Christmas-despising situation and reasons therefor, in the interest of a neat blog package. There's usually something that makes me enjoy Xmas in spite of myself by the time it's over (the Ray Rayner and Bozo special last year was fun, for instance, and failing anything else, I can always drown my sorrows and/or joys in cookies and glogg) ... but that's showbiz.
Heh, the "word verification" word for this comment is only one letter away from "Kaufman," which is only apropos.
Oddly enough, I am reading your NetJournal (computer inter-network journal, for you non-computer savvy people) while taking a break from(i.e. totally giving up on) my Christmas tape/disc/flip book. I made some bad choices in Xmas disc purchases. This year, I managed to get some really dirge-y, sluggish Christmas music that I am trying to punch up by embracing the unintentional Goth-itude with a dirty Beret del Mundo hosted extravaganza, but, so far, it isn't working. I need more intelligent booze.
Putting the "des" back in Christmas, WSQ3R Desmondo
Wait a minute, Mr. Mondo ... you purchase music? How 80s.
Goto http://hype.non-standard.net and run a search on "Christmas." At least you can engage in a more contemporary form of futility that way.
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