If I were a Cubs fan, I would blame Eddie Vedder

If this doesn't stop the City of Chicago from holding downtown rallies after the Cubs clinch the division (that is, if they ever do again -- and I hereby predict it will be a few years before they do), nothing will. I can understand why they would want to celebrate before having actually won anything -- because otherwise they might assuredly, absolutely, inevitably will never get to celebrate at all. But it's just bad form.

Also, Lou Piniella is an idiot for more reasons than can be summarized here, even in bulleted-list format, but he's an especially idiotic idiot for allowing the team to get cold after the clinch. That never pays off.

Or maybe Of course they were doomed anyway. Alfonso Soriano's entire career history is marked by post-seasons in which he was in dire need of the Heimlich Maneuver. But then I can't stand him even when he's playing well.

Dempster panicked, the infield wet their pinstripes, A-Ram looked even more than usual like he was about to cry at any second (which I didn't think possible), and Fukudome ... makes me really glad I'm not a Cubs fan.

But seriously, so does that Eddie Vedder song. That song is twelve kinds of shit on a stick, deep-fried, coated in sprinkles, dipped in tinkle, and served up with a puke-bag full of awful.