White Sox Fail to Acquire Kathy Griffin ...

[insert Photoshopped image of Kathy Griffin wearing Sox uniform and blaming string of GIDPs on Jerry Seinfeld here*]

... Settle for Ken Griffey instead. Junior.

Yeah, I know that was last week's news. But you might have missed the total evisceration of the Trib's Mike Downey by Fire Joe Morgan's Ken "Some Call Me Mose" Tremendous. Which is also from last week (Friday), but ... we move slow in humid weather here at CBRAT World HQ. Although I'm not sure if complete static refusal to budge is "movement," technically. Too hot to argue. Throw me the idol, I throw you the whip. Anyway, maybe it's just because I'd have been more excited if Ken Williams somehow had managed to pull a star relief pitcher out of David Blaine's pruny, perennially submerged tuchus [insert Photoshopped image of the reincarnation of LaMarr Hoyt emerging from David Blaine's magical butt here] than an ancient, crippled bat-diva [insert Photoshopped image of KG Jr. dressed as Adam West sending back a meal here], but I found it funny.

POSTSCRIPT: Damn that's a lot of "Kens" for one tiny little blog item. Three, in fact. Ken, Ken, Ken. Ken't hold onto a goddamn lead -- that's what the White Sox ken't do lately! [insert apology for terrible, albeit true, joke here]

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FOOTNOTE:

*[suggestion: dip into library of Paul Konerko photos for source material -- is the resemblance not uncanny?]