Monday, May 12, 2008

Brennaman Was Right

Cubs fans are the biggest assholes in the Solar System. Until Voyager or SETI or some other gizmo turns up evidence of superior extraterrestrial assholery orbiting distant stars, Cubs fans are the ranking assholes in the entire universe.

The latest rectal display: booing former Eastern Illinois University quarterback Tony Romo at yesterday's game. Sure, I'm no Dallas Cowboys fan, and Jessica Simpson's boyfriend is a pretty tempting target, but the whole booing bullshit has been way out of hand at Wrigley Field for a long time. I hate that 7th inning stretch "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" guest singer nonsense and wish they'd drop it, but Cubs fans, you are dicks. By all accounts, Romo can't sing and he murdered the wretched song, but it's supposed to be a stupid little bit of fun. Are you telling me Harry Caray could sing?

Also, it's a goddamned game. Responding to everything you don't appreciate by making an ass of yourself -- booing, throwing garbage onto the field, etc. -- is pathetic. And Cubs fans have demonstrated themselves to be the schmuckiest of schmucks in that regard. Booing opposing players is jerky enough, but Cubs fans constantly boo their own home team. When the cheap seats cost upward of $40, and you show up to boo and throw shit onto the field ... you are a cock. A chancrous, leaking, tiny cock.

Plus, it was Mother's Day. Romo's mom was probably in attendance. Booing some guy for trying to entertain you for a minute or two, in front of his mom, on Mother's Day ... well, fuck you, Cubs fans. Fuck you to hell. To paraphrase Bill Shatner, you sicken me.

Cubs fans are like every irritating fuckhead on my dorm floor in college. Every dimwitted drunken blowhard who thought it was cute to act like Bluto from Delta House at all times. Luckily for me, most of those anuses flunked out after one semester, but Cubs fans never ... go ... away. In fact, they seem to multiply like a virus.

And word has gotten around. To wit, see embedded below, an instant classic from a few weeks ago -- crotchety old Reds announcer Marty Brennaman pointing out the obvious. When a noted chumfucker like Brennaman can't abide your dickery, your dickery is considerable in magnitude. Brennaman may be an unlovable bag of hostile dementia, but he's right.

1 comment:

carl said...

I never see the word "chumfucker" in the crossword puzzles anymore.