It's Opening Day (so be nice to your openings)

Baseball! Baseball today! Baseball in Chicago today! If the weather permits, that is. Yes, it's another classic Opening Day at Wrinkly Folds ... cold, wet, dark, and utterly futile. And there's a big band of gnarly showers on the radar headed this way. (I think it's the Benny Goodman Band, but that could be ground clutter, not clarinet. Trivia item: Benny Goodman was born in Chicago on May 30, 1909, so even he was not born early enough to have lived during a Cubs championship season.)

Meanwhile, the White Sox get started this afternoon in Cleveland, where the forecast is for ... rain.

Let me get out my crystal ball of Zanzibar here. (Wipe wipe, polish polish.) Ahem. Doody doody doo. I ... I see many double headers in our future.

I do have some breaking news, however. Big scoop. I might have to switch team allegiances, in fact, because the Cubs have just solved their shortstop problem by signing 95-year-young free agent "Tongue" Studs Terkel to an eight-year, $35 million deal. Let's play two four!